Things That You Can't Say Tomorrow-Day
by HardSoulToSave
Summary: In the aftermath of their trip to the past, Killian finds he bears mental effects that linger. Every time he closes his eyes, his mind fills with his own personal horrors - visions of Emma in trouble, with him unable to reach her. The vivid images keep him awake at night, and the lack of sleep make the fears that much worse, creating a vicious self-feeding cycle.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: characters are not mine.

This just poured out of me with no warning what so ever.

First time I'm publishing something I wrote.

Picks up after season 3 finale, **no frozen**.

* * *

"You look terrible."

That was Emma's morning greeting to Killian as she took her place on the stool next to his at Granny's, as per what has become their ritual of sorts in the past two weeks since their adventures in time, loading with caffeine before heading down to the station.

He raised his eyebrows in obvious surprise.

"Hardly. I-"

"Devilishly handsome, I know, I know. Seriously, you look distraught."

Killian made a face, for some reason aimed down at his steaming cup of coffee and not at her.

"I've not been sleeping much."

"How come?" Emma inquired, sending a brief glance his way before focusing on stirring the coffee she's just been served.

Killian still hadn't looked up at her.

"I guess I've been having some matters haunting my thoughts at night."

"Care to share?" Emma was nursing the hot cup in both hands, her eyes trained on his face. He finally met her gaze.

"You don't look like you're a hundred percent in agreement with what your mouth is saying," he half smiled, raising one eyebrow in a weak resemblance of his signature smirk. She carefully re-arranged her features, knowing she must have been showing her slight reluctance to hear his reply. Well, a certain option of it anyway.

"I am."

Killian managed another small smile and looked away as he brought his cup to his lips, sipping on the scorching hot liquid and swallowing hard before speaking.

"I think I've just been... scared I'll wake and you'll be gone, off on one of your misadventures again and I won't be there with you," he admitted in a gruff voice as he set the cup back on the counter and lifted his eyes to her face, reading her expression carefully to gauge her reaction.

"I'm... sorry," she offered quitely, sipping on her own coffee, no longer able to hold his gaze.

"Nothing to be sorry about," he quipped, his voice lacking it's usual cheerfulness.

"I know, but I still am," she looked into his eyes, willing her own eyes to convey her sincerity to him.

"I'll manage," he smiled reassuringly. The rest of their respectable cups of coffee were drunk mostly in silence, then pushed back as the two rose to their feet and left the diner together.

* * *

Emma brought her yellow bug to a slow halt in front of Granny's, pulling the handbrake as she lifted her eyes to bid Killian goodnight.

"Off to bed?"

Killian paused at the sound of her voice, and for a moment she felt her throat constricting and she regretted bringing it up. Then he smiled at her, the gesture not quite reaching his eyes, his hand already on the door handle.

"No harm in trying, aye?"

"Yeah.." she matched his smile with one of her own and leaned in, meeting his lips in a very chaste peck.

"Night, Swan," he winked at her and turned away to climb out of the car.

"Killian wait," she called, closing her eyes and grimacing, already starting to regret the decision she's just made.

"Love?" Killian turned back to her with a questioning look, his right leg already out the door.

"I'll join you," she composed herself and looked up to meet his gaze with a determination shinning from her features. Killian's easy smile faltered momentarily, but he quickly recovered.

"I like to buy a lass a drink before I get her in my bed," he replied with a familiar flirtatious smirk that immediately helped set Emma at ease, her shoulders relaxing visibly as a portion of her nerves melted away. She let the hard set of her lips slide into a soft smile.

"Killian…" she dropped her gaze briefly, then looked back up with renewed courage. "Maybe if I'm there your mind will be at ease," she replied encouragingly, mentally questioning why she was pushing this instead of backtracking and heading the hell home. Alone.

Killian's eyes dropped to his lap as his smirk turned into a much more innocent, almost bashful smile.

_Ah, that's why._

"You won't hear me objecting, love."

She shook her head with a wide smile and started heading out of the car as well, then sharply turned back to him.

"Other side of the bed."

Killian barked out a laugh.

"As you wish, Swan."

* * *

If Ruby had any thoughts on Emma accompanying Killian up to his room, she kept them to herself. They ascended the stairs in silence, Emma walking half a step behind Killian, allowing him to lead the way to his room. When he stepped back from the open door to let her enter first, she hesitated for all of a millisecond before stepping inside, but attuned to her as he was, he sensed it and immediately placed his hook on her elbow, causing her to turn back to him.

"Emma, you don't have to do this," he breathed, his voice barely audible.

"I'm not going anywhere," she dismissed his concern in a stern voice, sliding her arm free of his hook and walking into the tiny room, taken up mostly by the queen-sized bed at the right side of it.

She took a quick moment to survey her surroundings as Killian sighed and locked the door behind him. She spotted two empty bottles of liquor on top of the small dresser and some clothes hung on the chair in the far corner, and all of a sudden was very aware of Killian's presence behind her, the heat from his body encompassing her completely. Her breath hitched as she felt his hand and hook coming around her torso to catch the ends of her leather jacket, ever so softly sliding it down her arms and off her in complete silence aside from his deep breaths that she could feel on the back of her neck.

The next moment he was gone, and she found herself already missing his proximity as the newfound cool raised goosebumps across her flesh. She spun to see Killian discarding her jacket on that very same chair, closely followed by his own heavy coat, dropping leisurely down his strong arms.

Every cell in her body screamed at her to flee the scene, weakening her resolve, but she drew deep breaths and straightened her posture and dared her feet to move, knowing bailing now would only serve to worsen Killian's fears.

Through the haze of her internal turmoil she noticed he was now facing her, completely motionless. It seemed he was awaiting her next move, so in a decisive step she sunk down onto the surprisingly soft bed, setting out to undo her boots. Killian took a moment to let her calmness sink in on him, and then slowly took after her in removing his boots. When they were both done they looked at each other.

"Go on forth with your nightly routine, Killian, don't disrupt yourself on my account," Emma tried for a smile that probably came out as more of a grimace, judging by her nervous tone. Instead of replying, Killian turned away from her towards the wooden dresser, and before she could figure out what he might be doing he was already approaching her with what she could only tell was clothing held in his hand.

"Can't have you being uncomfortable when hosting you in my bed," he winked down at her as he handed her what she could now see was one of his black pirate shirts, similar to the one he had on.

"Thanks," she said simply, for lack of a wittier response. Her mind was blank, which was odd given the situation - she would have expected her head to be overflowing with panicky thoughts at that moment.

Killian raised an eyebrow, but otherwise did not comment on her unusual lack of sarcasm.

There was another pause as both of them floundered how to proceed, and Emma knew that though he was trying hard to mask it, Killian was just as nervous as she was, so she took initiative and rose from the bed, swiftly pulling her shirt over her head and tossing it behind her. Killian inhaled sharply, his gaze trailing over her taut stomach and lace clad breasts before lifting back up to her face, his darkened eyes wearing a look of awe. She held his gaze without a hint of embarrassment.

"Swan.." He whispered hoarsely as he took an involuntary step forward, overwhelmed by the need to touch her. She still held his gaze as she bent down to rid herself of her jeans, pulling them off one leg at a time.

The pirate showed remarkable restraint as he remained rooted to the spot, though his fingers were itching to get closer. He got the hint and began to undo the many buttons on his form, removing his waistcoat and his shirt, never looking away from her.

Emma stilled once his shirt was gone, her eyes drawn to his muscular chest, adorned with many a battlescar. She would've been lying had she said she never pictured in her mind what he was hiding under the plunging necklines and layers of black cloth. She carresed the planes of his torso with her gaze, following the line his dark hairs created down to his abdomen and blushed fuirously when he caught her stare, yet deliberatelynot dropping her eyes.

Killian too flushed under the weight of her scrutiny, not one to be shy and yet anxiously trying to read her as she looked him over.

When she finally managed to tear her eyes from his, she spun on her heel, her back to him, and with a hand sent behind her back unhooked her bra in one swift motion.

A deep groan rumbled in Killian's chest behind her.

She ignored him along with the shiver the noise he made sent down her spine, and wasted no time in dressing herself in Killian't shirt.

She turned back to him to find his eyes still trained on her, his pupils dilated with want. It was physically difficult for her to keep her eyes from slipping down to his groin, where his own hand and hook were currently untying the laces to his leather pants, stretched over the obvious evidence of his appraisal of her, so instead she drew back the bed sheets and climbed in.

Not a minute later Emma heard footsteps and felt the bed sink as he joined her, and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding when she knew it was safe to look up. She looked to her left to discover that he thankfully pulled the covers up to his waist.

Killian tried to lift the haze of lust off his mind as he took in the sight of her in bed beside him, knowing he had no business pushing the matter when they clearly weren't there yet. If he was being honest, he didn't know where they were, but he was content with whatever Emma Swan granted him. And of course, as fate would have it, she was in his bed, a development he surely did not anticipate when they pulled up in front of the diner tonight.

Emma lifted her hand very slowly, her eyes connected with his so intentsely it felt like there was electricity flowing between them. Her palm cradled his cheek so lightly he could barely feel it and at the same time it was all he could feel, the heat from her spreading throughout his body like fire.

She leaned in teasingly slowly, and he knew he was holding his breath yet was unable to do anything but wait until her lips finally brushed against his. Though the kiss was soft and slow, it was like a tidal wave washing over him, relief flooding him at touching her at last, if so briefly. She pulled back shortly, and that kiss did nothing to relieve the burning need in his body and eveything to relieve the stress in his head.

"Night, Killian," Emma whispered.

It was the softest he had ever heard her speak. He took in the glistening glint in her eyes, his gaze flickering between her green orbits, memorizing what he saw reflected there.

Emma was unalarmed at his lack of response, holding his gaze and allowing him to read her, unable to explain her certainty even to herself and yet knowing that he needed to have that moment like it was the core of all truths.

Killian raised his hand to her face, mimicking her gesture just moments before, and ran his thumb softly over her cheek.

"Night, Emma."

With that he drew his hand back and turned away from her, flicking down the light switch next to the bed and settling down on his pillow.

Emma followed his lead and laid down on her side, facing him.

They laid there for a couple more minutes, facing each other in the sudden darkness that enveloped the room, and next thing they knew it was already morning.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: characters are not mine.

A/N: So, I just wanted to apologize for taking so long to post the next chapter. I'm currently juggling work and studying and I have trouble finding enough free time when I can clear my head and be calm enough that I can pour it all on (so to speak) paper.

I hope you like it. Let me know.

**Chapter 2**

Emma woke up at the crack of dawn, not used to retiring to bed early as they have last night. Blinking her eyes open, she was met with the sight of Killian's sleeping form beside her, and when she tried to roll on her back she realized his arm was thrown over her hip, holding her close. Although he was obviously still asleep, she found herself blushing deeply at the slightly compromising position.

Very gently she lifted his arm and wriggled out of his grasp and off the bed, careful not to wake him. She took two steps away before she heard him stirring behind her, freezing in place and slowly turning her head to see his eyes still closed, but obviously beginning to come to. She sighed softly and proceeded to gather her clothes with less caution now than before.

Killian was slowly pulled into consciousness, tangling in the sheets as he became fully awake. Finally he opened his eyes to find Emma redressing with her back to him. She already had her jeans on and was in the process of securing on her bra. He coughed softly and she immediately spun arund to face him.

Emma turned to find Killian with his upper back resting against the headboard, wide awake now. His face bore a look of utter surprise, that she probably would have found rather comical had it not been so early in the morning.

"Hey," she said, somewhat lost for words.

"Hey," he croaked, his voice still laced with sleep. He cleared his throat and tried again.

"I-"

"Slept through the night," she completed his sentence for him, a hint of a smile shining brightly on her lips as she tugged her shirt over her head. He simply watched her in wonder.

"I'm gonna head to the loft to freshen up and take care of Henry," She told him, her voice easy and conversational. She then dropped her gaze, a look of slight embarrassment taking over her features. "I guess I didn't really inform neither him nor my parents of my whereabouts last night."

Killian chuckled, making her look back up to meet his gaze.

"See you downstairs in an hour?"

The corner of his lips twitched up in an amused grin.

"See you then, Swan."

* * *

On the mark of an hour, the bell over the entrance door at Granny's jingled happily away as Emma stepped inside, her still wet hair framing her rosy cheeks perfectly. She was wearing a different set of clothes, a thick scarf wrapped around her neck to shelter her from the cold and her usual leather jacket. She did a once over of the diner before claiming her usual seat next to Killian.

She looked up gratefully at Granny when a hot cup of coffee was placed in front of her nearly as soon as her bottom touched the stool, and then brushed a hand through her hair, exhaling loudly.

"Everything okay, love?" Killian smirked at her.

Emma rolled her eyes in response, pulling the cup close to her body, as if wishing to absorb its warmth.

"Yeah, only David was sending me these narrow-eyed looks the entire time I was there, and I couldn't say anything since Henry was there preparing for school and it just… God, this family thing can be so awkward sometimes," She trailed off and took a long sip of her coffee.

Killian flat out laughed at her.

"Well, love, creating awkward moments is practically part of a parent's job description," He grinned at her openly. She glared at him out of the corner of her eye and he laughed even harder.

"Like father like daughter," he smirked.

"Oh, shut up," she replied, smiling despite herself. He grinned wider and used his hook to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, watching her fondly. Her smile turned shy under the weight of emotion reflected in his honest eyes, and she gulped down the last of her coffee before slamming it on the counter much harder than she intended.

"Come on," she said to him before rising to her feet and leading the way to her car.

* * *

"I'm telling you, for a bunch of fairytale characters, the people in this town really get on my damned nerves sometimes," Emma complained as she parked her car in front of Granny's. Killian chuckled, regarding her in amusement.

"They do tend to create trouble out of thin air more often than not," He agreed, her irritation over the matter making him grin widely.

"They're testing my patience, is what they're doing," she grumbled as she pulled the key from the ignition and opened her door to exit the car.

Killian was momentarily taken aback by her actions, but then shook his head and followed her out wordlessly. He couldn't help but smile at her confident stride into the diner, walking behind her as this time she led the way up to his room. Crossing the length of the dining hall towards the stairs, he briefly caught Ruby's eyes, her eyebrows arched so high they nearly met her hairline. He quickly looked away, thankful Emma missed it, suspecting she would have been at least partly deterred by the look on the raven haired girl's face.

He caught up to her at the door to his room, hurrying to produce the key from his pocket and let her in. Once the door was unlocked Emma walked in without so much as a second thought, hanging her jacket on the chair in the corner and moving to seat on the foot of the bed. Killian struggled to keep any and all signs of astonishment off his face, and discarded his jacket as well before pulling a bottle of rum and two glasses out of a desk drawer, cradling the items to his chest with his wounded arm and using his hand to pull the chair to face Emma.

"May I offer the lady a drink to take her mind off the maddening townsfolk?" He offered in a hopeful voice. Emma looked up to him appreciatively.

"Hell yeah," she answered with a tired grin and accepted a glass from his hand. He poured them both a generous amount of the clear liquid before taking a seat on the hard chair, lifting the glass to his lips and looking at her expectantly.

Emma flushed slightly under his gaze.

"What?"

Killian shrugged. He was really wondering about her presence here once again, but he would be a fool to question her about it. Best enjoy the cards he was dealt.

Her eyes lingered suspiciously on his for a few more seconds, before sliding to scan over the room innocently.

"You've been here a while now," she said abstrusely.

Killian quirked up an eyebrow, puzzled as to what she was trying to hint at.

"I just... I mean… in Storybrooke…" Emma blushed as she trailed off and chugged down half of the rum in her glass in embarrassment.

He chuckled lowly at her antics, before frowning as it dawned on him.

"It's always been just a tad too hectic to go look for housing accommodations, wouldn't you say?" he joked, earning himself time to look in her eyes and see the driving forces behind this remark, forces that Emma herself was probably unaware of.

She merely smiled and he continued, all traces of laughter gone.

"Perhaps I was uncertain I had merit to linger around," he nearly whispered, tipping his glass in her direction and gulping down its contents before refilling it.

Emma was quiet as she let his explanation sink in, his spoken words heavy with meaning and the unspoken ones hiding behind them even heavier. After a while she lifted her eyes to meet his with fresh determination.

"Well, I bet Granny wouldn't mind having you out of her hair," she smiled at him, her eyes gleaming with reassurance and promise.

Killian was rendered speechless as he was overcome with the almost unfamiliar feeling of sheer joy at her indirect reply to his unasked question. He swallowed down and composed himself quickly, adamant not to weigh down on their conversation again, and belatedly played along to her teasing.

"I shall not be placing any bets on that, milady, I know that for a fact," he smirked mischievously.

Emma laughed wholeheartedly at that.

"Poor lady!"

"Hey, that woman had something up her alley long before I was tangling in her feet," he insisted with raised eyebrows, smirk still very much in place.

"Can't argue with that," Emma grinned at him as she emptied her glass down her throat and held it out for a refill.

Killian complied, rising to his feet and pouring her the desired liquor before stepping back to restore the bottle to its previous location, but as he meant to reclaim his seat he felt Emma tug lightly at his elbow, just enough to make him lose his balance and stumble down into a sitting position to her right, making it clear she had carefully orchestrated her little pulling maneuver.

He cleared his throat to wash away the surprise.

"Swan, if you so wanted me closer all you had to do was ask," he told her with his most flirtatious expression, eyebrow raised in challenge.

"A lady needn't ask," she breathed, their faces so close now that she could feel the air he breathed ghosting over her cheeks, her eyes jumping back and forth between his deep ocean blue orbs and his lips, curved into a crooked smirk.

"Aye, is that so," he countered, his eyes too slipping to her lips.

"Perhaps you should have better instincts," she whispered teasingly.

His eyes snapped back up to hers at that, and she could see them flashing almost dangerously, darkening by the second.

"Lass, you wouldn't want to know what my instincts are telling me," he warned hoarsely.

"Perhaps I would," she replied with a sultry smile, and Killian couldn't wait another second, his blood pounding in his ears, rushing south through his aroused body. He closed the ridiculously small distance left between them and smashed his lips to hers in a fiery kiss, his tongue immediately demanding access. Emma complied, combing her fingers through his hair as his hand found purchase on her waist.

Killian used his other arm to pull her tighter against him, biting on her lower lip and kissing her with unforgiving passion. Emma matched his enthusiasm, kissing him fervently, both hands hooked around his neck, holding on to him for dear life. All the happiness and contentment at her welcome from minutes ago he poured into the kiss, all the harboured hunger and desire he's had to push to the back of his mind, having so little time alone with just the two of them.

His hand residing at her waist was no longer satisfied, sliding to her upper back, roaming the contours of her body hungrily and then slipping down and hauling her legs up on his lap, making her body turn to face him more fully.

Emma gasped at the sudden movement and he used the momentum to kiss her even harder, his hook ghosting over her neck, raising goosebumps upon its wake, and then tangling in her blonde locks, pulling not hard enough to cause pain, but just enough to angle her head backwards so he could slip his mouth from hers and begin an assault on her neck. Emma sighed amidst her panting, drowning in the sensations created by his talented mouth, her fingers brushing through his jet black hair and massaging his scalp. She felt as if her legs were beginning to slip from his lap and moved them higher absentmindedly, and suddenly froze at the sharp intake of breath, followed by a deep groan slipping from Killian's mouth. All the muscles in his body tensed and he halted his ministrations on her neck as her leg accidentally brushed against his painfully hard cock, throbbing inside his leathers.

Killian bit his lip and kept his eyes shut tightly, holding his breath and awaiting her next move, hoping to all the gods his readiness didn't cause her to bolt. Suddenly he felt her hand moving against his face, inching his chin upwards to reclaim his lips in a much slower kiss, and he couldn't help but moan at the relief that washed over him at her reaction. He brought his hand up to tuck a strand of golden hair behind her ear, and kissed her back slower, sweeter than before, feeling like his heart might burst in his chest at the rush of emotion attacking him.

He cradled her face in his hand, alternating between feather-light brushes of their lips and slow lingering kisses. Pulling back, he looked deep into her eyes, hand still cupping her jaw, fingers tangled in her hair.

"Thank you," he whispered, his eyes never leaving hers.

"For what?" she looked genuinely confused at his gratitude.

"For everything. For being here."

Emma physically leaned back, the heavy words weighing on her, eyes still connected with his, seeing in their depths all the different meanings to his 'here'.

Here, still in his arms.

Here, with him.

Here, in his room, the second night.

Here, in Storybrooke, still.

Here, in this world.

Here, in his life.

After a long moment of gazing into his eyes, searching, reading all he meant like it was written in black and white, she pulled out of his embrace and stood up, taking a couple of steps back but not looking away from him.

"Don't," she said simply.

"Don't - what?" Killian frowned in confusion, coldness washing over him at the sudden loss of contact.

"Don't do this. Don't thank me."

"But -" he started, but trailed off, not knowing how to react.

Emma turned away from him, and silence consumed the room as he simply stared at her back, her reactions to his instinctive words taking him completely by surprise.

When she turned to face him again, her eyes looked glassy, as if she was holding back tears.

"Killian," she began, her voice shaky.

"I have hurt you, so badly, so many times," she said as she stared into his eyes, her voice little more than a whisper.

"Swan -" he tried but she continued regardless, and he closed his mouth again, jaw clenched tight.

"-No, please, let me. I have treated you with unfair spite on so many occasions, and you kept coming back, only to be pushed away again -"

"Emma," he said more firmly, demanding her attention, "None of that matters anymore, I've put it behind me. What matters is you're with me now -"

"No, you don't understand!" she spoke again, her voice high pitched and slightly frantic, "I can't put it behind me, not when you're sitting here thanking me, I can't pretend I never said all these horrible things to you -"

He cut her off mid-rant.

"And if I just wish to thank you for staying here with me for the sake of my rest?" he asked in a determined voice.

"But even that is selfish! you see, what if I'm only here to settle my own guilt over being the cause of your insomnia? I just, I can't, I can't handle the thought of hurting you again, Killian, and I'm here and I can accept your… Affections," she slowed and bit her lip, knowing she was dancing around the words, "but I sure as hell don't deserve your gratitude."

She fell silent and stared into his eyes in an almost begging manner, willing him to comprehend. Killian stared back at her, speechless.

It all happened so fast. One moment she was in his arms, kissing him, and the next she was standing there, practically crying, professing to all the feelings of guilt that he had no idea she harboured, hidden inside of her. He knew there was something; he could see it in her eyes, a pain that he couldn't understand. But he never could have guessed, never would have guessed that this bothered her, haunted her to this degree, and he wished he could wipe those feelings away for her but he didn't know how.

Finally, he lowered his gaze, fixing his eyes on the hardwood floor as he spoke.

"You don't have to stay," he whispered.

"Hey," she said, her voice much calmer now, and Killian looked up as he heard steps, just to see her reclaiming her spot right next to him. She laid her hand on his lap, just above the knee.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not anymore. Not unless you ask me to."

He let the tiniest smile stretch his lips as he looked at her. He didn't even need to say it; it seemed to be clear to both of them that he'd never.

Instead he bent forward and handed Emma her recently filled glass, grabbing his own as well. He looked at her, sat by his side, their arms touching, and clinked his glass to hers in a wordless salute, before knocking back its contents.

When he saw she too emptied hers he put both of their glasses away, and a few steps away from her began to undress, his body facing her but not meeting her gaze. Emma followed suit.

They finished disrobing and climbed into bed quietly. The silence was comfortable, like the calm after a storm, both feeling like enough has been said and words were no longer needed.

Looking at each other, they both chuckled a little shyly, realizing they instinctively reclaimed their respectable sides of the bed from the previous night.

Even their goodnight biddings were made in silence as they laid down and turned off the lights.

* * *

"Swan -"

Emma awoke to the sounds of Killian tossing and turning beside her, occasionally muttering something under his breath.

Completely disoriented, having been pulled out of deep sleep, she noted it was still entirely dark outside. She checked her phone on the bedside table to find out it was 2:34 am.

Killian's breathing was quick and shallow as he continued to move restlessly, his forehead creased into a frown in his sleep.

Instead of shaking him awake, Emma opted to take his warm body into her arms, hugging him tightly, constricting him in her embrace. A few moments later his body seemed to relax, and she could feel his muscles losing their tension. Slowly, his arms came around her to return her embrace as his eyes fluttered open, gazing sleepily into hers.

Though laced with sleep, in his eyes she could see seas of emotion, his feelings that still caused a small amount of panic to rise in her throat, and at the same time she knew were reflected in her own eyes.

She could almost sense another expression of gratitude on the verge of his tongue, so she quickly closed the distance between them and kissed him firmly, keeping the kiss soft, just strokes and brushes of lips.

They were both tired, and when they broke off shortly after, Emma buried her head in the crook of Killian's neck, their arms still locked around each other protectively.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Emma was on top of him, a cascade of blonde hair shielding them both from the outside world as her pelvis moved against his. He looked up at her in awe and she lifted one corner of her lips in a mischievous half smile, rubbing against him just that little bit harder-

Killian's eyes fluttered open and he immediately knew the improbability of that scenario is what shook him awake. Another moment passed before he realized his hips were lightly thrusting against Emma's backside, rocking his morning wood against her. He forcibly stopped his movements and blushed up to the roots of his hair, but a quick moment of static looking and listening told him Emma was still very much asleep. He rolled onto his back and rubbed his hand up his face and into his hair. That was a close call. As if he didn't push it enough last night, if she had woken to that just now she probably would have stormed out, never to return. At least, that is the scenario that played out in his worried head.

The pulsing in his nether regions refused to go away, and Killian sighed as he sat up and then stood from the bed. He cast a quick glance to Emma's sleeping form, making sure that was still her current state, before grabbing a towel from the dresser and stepping into the small adjoined bathroom.

The hot water against his skin was soothing. His muscles were aching dimly in that manner of lack of rest. Before the erotic dream, his sleep was filled with flashing images of Emma's notorious red leather jacket stained with blood, of him running down Storybrooke's main street calling out her name. He vaguely remembered her, the real her, hugging him in the middle of the night, so close that there was no question she was here and she was okay and he could sleep. Just when he thought his erection was going to subside as a result of thinking of his terrible nightmares, the thought of her lying in the bed just on the other side of the door in nothing but his pirate shirt rekindled the fire in his veins. He sighed as he surrendered to his needs, his hand gripping himself tightly while he used his wounded arm, naked and bare now in the shower, to brace himself against the tile wall. The wonderful inventions of this land crossed his mind briefly as the hot water served to heighten his pleasure, before his mind fell back to the fiery blonde in the adjoined room. There was something in the emotions she projected last night, in his understanding of her grief over hurting his feelings and wanting to make everything right, that caused his blood to boil even more than her body could. As he stroked himself harshly he knew he was feeling more than physical attraction, he was aroused by the warmth he felt at Emma, darling passionate Emma, caring so deeply about his wretched self. He leaned his head back and let the water drizzle over his face and shut eyes as he allowed himself to be filled with the powerful feeling of connection.

Emma rubbed her eyes with her knuckles as she turned to lay on her back, finding the bed empty but not yet cold. As she looked around the still room her brain summed two plus two and she realized the soft sound she was hearing was water running and that it was coming from behind the closed door at the other side of the room. Taking a moment to stare blankly at the bathroom door, she shook her head as if to physically discard the confusing thoughts running through her mind. She made quick work of redressing, scanning the room to see if she missed anything, before making the bed and leaving the room quietly to go back to the loft.

The intense orgasm that ripped through Killian had him burying his face in his arm braced against the wall to keep from shouting. He panted heavily as his body relaxed and his heart rate returned to normal. Stepping out of the shower a few moments later, he made sure to put his brace back on before tying the white towel around his hips. Through the steam that rolled out of the bathroom when he opened the door he could see the room was empty, the bed meticulously made. His first reaction was a feeling of relief that he didn't have to face Emma right after what he just did, but it only lasted a second before a lump rose in his throat and his head started working overtime. Where had Emma gone? She was here, wasn't she? Why did she disappear? The rational part of his brain tried desperately to calm the other half down. Emma was here. Emma was here when he woke up and she must have gone to the loft to change and freshen up. This is just the way Emma does things - she ups and goes unannounced. This is what had him in this tired mess in the first place.

* * *

When he walked down the last step leading from the bed and breakfast to the diner after taking his time getting ready, he could see the back of Emma's blonde head in the spot she had come to claim as her own at the counter. Her hair was still wet and she was staring intently into her cup of coffee as if she was trying to evaporate the beverage with the power of her mind, which, mind you, she could probably do. She was so caught up in whatever she was thinking that Killian was able to sit down next to her without her noticing. She jumped when he uttered a quiet "thanks, love," to Ruby as the girl served him his own cup of strong black coffee.

"Nearly gave me a heart attack," Emma said with a hand on her chest as her green eyes searched his face.

"Well, only returning the favour then," He replied without looking at her, immediately regretting letting the words leave his mouth. Emma's mouth fell open as her face bore a look of horror.

"Oh fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't think-"

"It's quite alright, lass, forget I said anything," Killian said seriously.

"No, but-"

"I mean it Swan, it was a thoughtless quip."

Emma's lips formed a thin line as she kept looking at him as if trying to decide if she should believe him or not. She seemed to resolve to the prior as she turned back ahead and sipped on her latte. She drank the last few drops and set the mug back down, her free hand hiding a yawn as she turned to face him again on the stool expectantly. Aware of that, Killian chugged the last of the bitter liquid ignoring the burn in his throat, and stood up while offering his hand to Emma to help her down. She held onto him absentmindedly as she stepped down from the stool and sort of leaned into him as they walked together towards the door. Killian found himself, as he often did these days, biting his lip to keep his surprise to himself as he slung an arm around her lower back.

* * *

Emma dropped her head into into her folded hands and sighed dramatically.

"Yugucobikedivey."

"I didn't quite catch that, love," Killian managed to get out, his shoulders shaking with quiet laughter. He lowered his hand that was clutching a stack of papers down to his lap.

Emma lifted her head out of her hands just enough so her voice wasn't completely muffled.

"I said, you've got to be kidding me," she huffed.

"What is it?" Killian replied, working to keep the chuckle out of his voice.

"Another motherfucking complaint about the Dopey tree in the middle of the road. Like what am I supposed to do? Get the fucking dwarves to cut him down? That's a whole other kind of paperwork because nowhere other than Storybrooke would cutting down a tree constitute as first degree murder."

Emma's rant left Killian unable to hold back his laughter any longer and he put his hook to his stomach as he laughed out loud. Emma tried to appear annoyed but failed miserably as a smile took over her face unbidden.

"It's not funny," she muttered unconvincingly as she gave into giggles herself.

As their laughter slowly subsided they held each other's eyes.

"I think that's a good sign that you've worked quite enough today," Killian suggested.

"I guess you're right. Although I doubt I'll have any idea of a better solution to this tomorrow," Emma replied as she got up and pushed her chair towards the desk, piling all the papers on it into a neat stack. Killian added his on top.

As they stepped out into the cold street, Emma hugged her sides for warmth, making Killian instinctively reach out to her before stopping himself, hand mid-air. He changed his mind and instead rushed his step and opened her car door for her as soon as she unlocked it.

They drove in silence, Killian being impossibly curious whether she'll be joining him again tonight, but not daring to ask her, in case it shifts the balance of this little experiment of them playing house.

He didn't think much of the fact that Emma chose to drive to the bed and breakfast entrance rather than the diner one, but when they pulled up to it and she pulled the handbrake and slid the gear stick into 'park', he let out a long exhale through his nostrils. But once again, the Swan princess caught him by surprise.

Emma reached her hand to the backseat of the car, pulling a medium-sized duffel bag. It didn't take Killian long to figure out what that meant and he sharply turned around and opened the car door to keep from saying anything. Emma stopped her movements for a moment, her eyes lifting to look at his back exiting the car, before a warmth filled her and she turned to exit herself. She greatly appreciated him not making a fuss about anything these past few days. Because honestly, if he asked anything, she wouldn't know what to say. For once she is doing instead of thinking, and rethinking, and over-thinking.

When Emma closed the car door behind her and locked it, Killian's will to not mention the bag quarreled briefly with his gentlemanly instincts before losing fantastically as his hand extended towards her without an explanation. He almost rolled his eyes at himself, but Emma seemed to understand his intentions perfectly and handed him the bag without argument. Killian's eyebrows rose on his forehead before he could restrain them, but Emma kept striding towards the door and he followed quietly.

Once inside his room, Killian placed Emma's bag at the corner of her side of the bed as she slumped down onto it. Clearing his throat before speaking, she beat him to it.

"So Henry was being a little weird this morning," she blurted out. Killian swallowed down the words on his tongue before replying.

"How so?"

"I was driving him to school and I was going to give some kind of explanation as to where I'd been spending the night, but before I could, he said something like "it's ok, mom, you do you,"," Emma said, making a lousy low-voiced impression of her son.

Killian scratched the skin under his ear as he sat down on the bed a few inches from Emma.

"I'm not familiar with that phrase."

"Neither am I, to be honest. I think it's a young people's thing. Like he's saying I should focus on myself."

"Oh," understanding dawned on Killian's face. "That's good then, isn't it?"

"I guess," Emma said. "Kind of feels like he's the parent and I'm the child."

Killian smiled. "Well, you're allowed to be a bit childish sometimes. You've never really had much of a chance."

Emma looked him in the eyes intently.

"I'm not feeling very childish right now."

Killian's smile melted from his face as her words and glinting eyes brought back images from his recent dream. He cleared his throat and looked away.

"Do you fancy a drink, love?" he asked in a forced light tone.

"No, thanks," she replied, and he looked back to her by instinct.

"Tired?"

"Not really. Just in the mood for something other than a drink," Emma said, catching his gaze.

Killian's mouth opened, but no sound came out. He closed it and swallowed.

"How about a walk?" Emma suggested in an uncharacteristically cheery tone.

Killian rose to a stand before his mind could catch up with his body, and then replied with a rasped, "gladly."

Emma frowned her eyebrows for a short moment at his odd behaviour before rising as well.

Out on the street, Emam was hit by the cold again. She hooked her arm around Killian's in an attempt to warm up, surprising the pirate, who inhaled sharply but didn't say anything.

They walked mostly in silence, and without noticing, their legs carried them to the docks. The chill was even greater there, but the fresh air and scent of the sea made up for it. They came to a stop, both facing the water.

"You miss it, don't you," Emma half asked, half said, wrapping her arms around herself for warmth.

"Aye," he replied after a few moments. "Of course I do."

His wording made her turn to him sharply.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean -" she started before he cut her off.

"Calm down, Swan, I know."

She looked back out at the sea and Killian took the opportunity to inspect her expression. There was a hint of guilt weighing down behind her eyes. He turned back ahead as well.

"I'd do it again, you know."

Emma looked at him for a quick moment, but did not offer a response. Because she thought maybe she did. Know.

She took his hand in hers instead and moved closer to him, allowing herself to lean into his side. His body heat was a welcome defense against the cold ocean breeze.

"I think I do too, a little," Emma blurted out suddenly. "Miss it, I mean."

It was Killian's turn to not reply as he silently contemplated her, his face stoic other than the slightest tightening of his jaw. Emma tried to return his quiet stare, but a yawn escaped her. Killian's face broke into a barely-noticeable smile.

"Let's get to bed."

Back at the inn, the two got ready for bed in silence, but it was a comfortable one, an easier one than the night before. Quietly bidding each other good night, they turned off the lights and laid down, bodies close but not touching.

* * *

Killian inhaled sharply as his eyes flew open, his chest rising and falling rapidly. A look to his right assured him that Emma Swan was safe and sound in her sleep.

He laid down facing her, eyes wide open, waiting for his pulse to slow down and his breathing to relax as he stared at the proof that it was just a dream. Just a bad dream. She hasn't gone anywhere.

**A/N:** I am so sorry it's taken me so long! I hope some of you come back to read this, and if you do, thank you.


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